The Dirty Pictures

Pawan Verma

With the clock striking 12.00 and yet the TV screen not looking any dirtier than earlier, I heaved a sigh of relief. Possibly, the horrified nation also breathed easy, as the Sony TV was prevented from publicly displaying the Dirty Pictures of our award winning heroine Vidya Balan, which was nothing but a re-enactment of the Mahabharat’s episode of the disrobing of the royal queen Draupadi. All the principal players were also in place, playing their assigned roles. Our Bhishma Pitamaha did not add his Vani of protest – don’t read Advani here – on the planned outrage, while our Dhritarashtra remained “maun” as usual.

But at the end, it turned out to be a strong re-affirmation of the Geeta’s message, “Yada yada hi dharmasya glanir bhavati bharate….” So, if there was one Sony determined to act like Dushshashana, there was another Soni, Ambika - but not from the Amba, Ambika, Ambalika family – who frustrated the efforts of all those who were involved in this dastardly act. Like Krishna, the Minister for Information & Broadcasting appeared on the scene at the last moment and prevented the modesty of our national heroine from being outraged in broad day light in the presence of a global audience. The Minister, however, decreed that the Channel was free to do it late in the night if it so desired.

Come to think of it, what was involved here was not merely the modesty of a woman; the scheduled global TV Premiere of the movie had threatened the very moral and social fabric of our society and could have led to a national catastrophe with a long term impact. It amounted to invading the sacred space of our homes with the dirty pictures of a voluptuous lady, seducing a number of men one after the other. The wives would have discovered what usually goes inside the dirty minds of their husbands once they would have seen them leering at Ms Balan’s un-balan moves. The children would have learnt a new Vidya, which they were not privy to so far.

We must indeed be grateful to the Central government for saving us from such a disgrace. It goes without saying that in a welfare state like ours, it is the duty of the government to protect the citizens from all sorts of invasions, including those which threaten their moral and ethical sensibilities. Successive governments have been performing this onerous task without exception. Long back, it was the British Govt. which took upon itself the white man’s burden of civilizing the browns and developing their cultural values in keeping with the times. Our Brown Sahibs later on inherited this responsibility from their British predecessors and have been carrying out this responsibility very consistently. In line with the same, a few years back, our earlier I & B Minister, Ms. Sushama had decreed that FTV could not be trusted with the ‘Swaraj’ all the TV channels were enjoying at that time, in view of the dirty pictures FTV was adept in showing on its channel round the clock. Hence, she had deputed two senior officials to conduct a 24*7 monitoring of the channel and prevent the Indian minds from being corrupted by its influence.

The current move of the central government is completely in keeping with this tradition. In fact, ever since it came to power, it has been consistently trying to ensure preventing the release of all kinds of dirty pictures, like the ones shot on the sets of 2G and CWG, directed and choreographed by Raja, Kalmadi and the likes of them. The Coal-gate, the Mining-gate and the Porn-gate are the other shining examples of how both the state and the central governments have displayed a singleness of purpose and a rare unity of approach in withstanding the pressures of elements like the CAG, media and other mis-directed individuals who go to the extent of using laws like the RTI to put these dirty pictures for public display. What a noble purpose! What a heroic act! True, if the government can be pro-active about protecting the modesty of a woman, it must be appreciated for being equally emphatic about protecting the modesty of the men involved in these episodes. There can’t be any scope for a gender bias here.

However, there is another dimension of the whole issue which is being consistently ignored and which needs to be raised as it involves extreme cruelty being perpetrated on a set of individuals. Think of the men in the I & B ministry and other bodies like the Censor Boards etc, who have to work tirelessly, watching the dirty pictures all the time to prevent them from corrupting the minds of ordinary mortals like you and me. Even though they are made of sterner stuff, ultimately their minds will also get corrupted by the constant and incessant exposures to the dirty pictures. While we must recognize their sacrifice for the nation, it amounts to cruelty on them and on their sensibilities. Hence, I suggest that this burden must be shared by a larger section of the society. I therefore, recommend adoption of a National Rotation Policy, which would entrust the responsibility of performing this task on every citizen by rotation. As a humble citizen of this country, I offer myself to be among the initial volunteers for this job and thereby, contribute to the nation and to the society.

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Tax Us More, Dear FM

Pawan Verma

Dear Pranab Da,

As you were reading out the pages of your budget speech in the Parliament last week, with me and my family members listening in rapt attention, a strange sense of enlightenment was dawning upon all of us. Till this moment I was thinking that I was a free individual with all my rights and liberty in place, my family felt that I belonged to them entirely, while my wife believed that she owned me absolutely. However, listening to your budget speech made it absolutely clear that with the Income Tax and the Service Tax put together, at least 42.9% of me was absolutely owned by the Govt. of India. Since I was obliged to pay a good part of my earnings to the GOI, by implication the GOI had absolute right over my working life and thus, I was nothing more than a bonded labour of the Govt. of India.

As you moved from the Income Tax provisions to the Service Tax, there was a greater enlightenment. The fact that you raised Service Tax from 10% to 12% and widened its scope, without giving any reason whatsoever, brought home one of the basic realities of our existence - the fact the you had absolute right over our earnings and that the Right to Property, enshrined in our constitution as a Fundamental Right, arose only after you had taken your share out of the same. In fact, we are so grateful to you, Sir, for your kindness that whatever the Aam Aadmi earns today, a small portion of the same is left to him for his subsistence. And this kindness has continued year-after-year.

In the face of the fact that you have complete control over our destiny, I admire the sincerity and modesty with which you have been putting forth your taxation proposals before the nation in successive years. In fact, we should be grateful to you that through your tax proposals you provide the citizens of this country, an ideal opportunity of earn for the government even without passing the Civil Services exams. Come to think of it, very few of us have the wisdom to realize that taxation today is the greatest symbol of the democratic and patriotic fibre of our society, wedded to the fundamental principles of equal rights and equal opportunities. Democratic, because any individual, no matter how humble his circumstances, can rise up in life, prevail over his circumstances and become a tax-payer. Patriotic, because for most of us, who remain too busy with our mundane day-to-day activities, taxation provides an ideal opportunity to do something for the nation.

That’s not all. The wise among us do tell us that taxation also provides a great tool for ensuring social justice by allowing those who work, to pay for those who don’t and those who can earn to pay for those who can’t. It doesn’t matter if every Taj Mahal looks like the Qutab Minar after paying the taxes – it is intended to be so for the cause of social justice. In fact, next to death, if there is any leveller, it is taxation alone– the only difference being that death doesn’t kill in instalments and that it does not become more painful every time Parliament meets.

Hence, it is my humble request to you, Sir, not to get influenced by the small minority among us, who do not have any mamta for your budget proposals for levying increasing taxes on the aam aadmi year-after-year. I can assure you that the great majority of us love paying our taxes and thereby, contributing to the nation and its democratic and egalitarian values.

Therefore, having gone through your budget proposals, I have a few suggestions to offer in order to improve our taxation system and ensure compliance by the aam aadmi without feeling any financial burden.

First, I suggest that it should be made compulsory for every married couple to have at least three children. On growing up, while the two of them can pay the taxes, the third can support the family’s livelihood. You may kindly examine if this would need a constitutional amendment or it can be accomplished through a side reference in the budget proposals like the Vodafone case. I do believe that the second one is a much better option.

Secondly, with the expansion of the Service Tax net you have so generously ensured that we do not miss out any opportunity to pay the taxes and thereby serve our nation. However, there is one important area that needs immediate clarification, i.e. supply of labour and manpower services. You will kindly agree that every child born in the country adds to the nation’s labour force, since he has the potential that on growing up, he can become a tax-payer and thereby earn for the government. This area of manpower supply to the country’s labour force has so far remained untaxed.

Hence, most humbly, may I suggest imposition of a new service tax, particularly named as the Valentine Tax, whereby every married couple, who make love to each other, should be taxed? The incidence of taxation will arise every time the couple is blessed with a child.

I am sure, dear Finance Minister, this will have multiple benefits. First, the very idea of imposing a Valentine Tax will increase your support base among Ram Sene, VHP and the likes of them. Secondly, no man worth his honour, will ever dispute the tax or evade paying the same on the plea that it was not his doing.

Sincerely yours


Pawan Verma

Pawan.verma@rediffmail.com

Of Men and Women

Pawan Verma

Life is indeed cruel to men. When they are born, their mothers get compliments and flowers, when they get married, their brides get presents and publicity and when they die; their wives get the sympathy and the insurance money. I sincerely believe that whosoever termed the fair sex as the weaker sex has done an unfair thing since the weaker sex is indeed the stronger sex because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex.

The word is full of men who convert this weakness into a life-long bondage, euphemistically called ‘marriage’. Alas, they forget that as bachelors they were very longingly looked upon by the fair sex as ‘a thing of beauty and boy forever’ and they roamed around like a rolling stone that gathers no boss. But, like fools, they rush in into a venture where even angels fear to tread. They are perhaps too innocent to realize that marriage is the name of a game where the man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s degree.

But different bachelors have different compulsions to walk into this bondage. Sometimes stealing a kiss leads to ‘life imprisonment’ – a perfect example of crime and punishment. Some others walk into this trap after calculating that it is cheaper to marry the girl and keep her home than not to marry and take her out.

But those who marry in haste repent at leisure as well. It is true that marriages are made in heaven but when the couple joins hands on earth, it becomes just another union that defies management. As the resonance of the wedding bells recede into the background the notes of discord start appearing and gradually the ‘better half’ becomes the ‘bitter half’. It does not take long for the man to start wondering what happened to the girl he married and for the girl to wonder what happened to the man she didn’t. But most often the discord happens on account of the average husband’s ambitions to be able to afford what his wife is spending. As it always happens in such cases, the joint account is never over-drawn by the wife; it is always under-deposited by the husband.

Old couples, however, say that such differences between husband and wife are only the spice of conjugal relationships; for, where there is no difference there must be a vast degree of indifference. The harmony arising out of love is the essence that sustains marital happiness. It has certain well-defined secrets. To be happy with a man you must love him a little and understand him a lot. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and understand her a little. Mutual trust and confidence is the other touchstone of marital harmony, as every husband expects himself to be his wife’s first love while every wife hopes herself to be her husband’s last romance.

In the ultimate analysis, however, marriage turns out to be an American cafeteria: you choose what you like, and pay for it later. What you pay and how much you pay depends upon your luck. For, it takes quite a bit of luck to make a wife out of a woman. Remember! God created Woman after Man, and ever since then she has been after man.